Holiday Steals!

Just in time for the holidays, stolenmerchandise.com has just received multiple shipments of the Playstation 4 and XBox One!  Better yet, you can order them for cheaper than any place else, GUARANTEED!  It’s a Christmas miracle!

Ignore all those other “deals” and “sales”, our “Holiday Steals” are all you need this holiday season.  Load up on tons of unique gifts such as endangered animals or human organs for your loved ones while supplies last!

xbox-one-vs-ps4-578-80

 

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Bitcoins!

After receiving many requests, Stolenmerchandise.com is happy to announce that Bitcoins are now available for sale!

Everyone thought Bitcoins were a fake currency with no real value, but we’ve managed to obtain hundreds of thousands of dollars worth and I can assure you they are legit!

So head on over to the Currency page and place your order!

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Protest CISPA!

CISPA bad!  Stolen Merchandise good!

If CISPA passes, billions of people will no longer have access to the largest collection of Stolen Merchandise in the world.  Do you want to be forced to steal your own merchandise and risk going back to prison!?  Of course not! That’s what our trained professionals are for!

Contact your government officials immediately and tell them that you “ain’t goin’ back to the pen”!

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St. Patrick’s Day – Lucky Sales!

You know how much we love holiday sales and boy do we got a good one for you this year!

For the REST of the month of March, the following items are buy one, get one 50% off!  

  • All Leprechauns
  • Pots of Gold (all sizes)
  • Bulk Alcohol
  • Bulk 4-leaf Clovers

Act now, supplies are limited!

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Valentine’s Day Steals!

To celebrate this Valentine’s day, all human and animal hearts are 20% off!  No minimum purchase necessary.

Forget chocolate, candy and jewelry; surprise your sweetheart with a REAL sweet* heart!  All hearts are guaranteed fresh and in stock and come with a 1 year warranty.

*Sweet as in, totally rad

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Post-Halloween Steals!

Halloween is over which means all of the Satanic Cults and Devil Worshippers are wrapping up another season of rituals and sacrifices.  StolenMerchandise.com has amassed quite an inventory including sacrificed and unsacrificed virgins, goat masks, candles, Ouija Boards and many varieties of blood (human and animal).

Stay tuned for updates and news regarding the hottest Christmas merchandise!

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Black History Month/Black Market SALE!

Fact: Black History Month and Black Market both start with the same word.

Fact: Creating special sales based on completely unrelated occasions can boost revenue by 150%!

Fact: During Black History Month (February), you can save UP TO 30% on all Black Market merchandise!

To celebrate Black History Month, all Black Market guns, drugs, currency and weaponry is 25% off!

Flowers and Candy are boring, what your sweetie really wants for Valentine’s day is something unconventional.  Has she always wanted a real live Koala Bear pet but can’t afford to fly to Australia?  ALL Koala Bears are currently 20% off and come with 1 week’s worth of Eucalyptus leaves FREE!

Or, swoon her with a REAL human heart!  Nothing says “I love you” like procuring an actual heart that can be kept on display all year ’round.  All human organs are 15% off until 2/29.

 

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Who needs Black Friday when you have the Black Market?!

Hey Everyone!  Christmas is coming and that means cheap deals on everything!

You may have recently heard stories about thieves stealing Christmas toys/gifts from various charities and donation centers around the country.  Our Steal Team Six has been working overtime to procure a wide variety of merchandise to ensure our customers get the hottest gifts at the cheapest prices.

While we are always saddened by the thought of the less fortunate continuing to be less fortunate, we’ve got a business to run!  Little Johnny may not get an Xbox this year, but your kid sure as hell will!  We guarantee you will find what you’re looking for at stolenmerchandise.com!

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New Inventory!

Natural disasters have been prevalent all around the world lately.  While it’s a shame that so many people have lost their homes and their lives, the good news is that not everything was destroyed!

We have assembled an elite team (“Steal Team Six”) to scour Japan, Haiti, the southern U.S. and other hard hit areas for new inventory and you won’t believe what they’re finding!

You can browse the new inventory here

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Get it while it’s hot!

I am pleased to announce that we now have more merchandise in stock than ever before, thanks to our hard working team of procurement experts.

The Black Market items are really flying off the shelves so don’t wait, order now!  If you order before 9/30/2010, we’ll throw in a free kilo of the drug of your choice (limit 1 per order), what a steal!

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