- FACT: BILLIONS of dollars will be spent on the 2016 U.S. Presidential race
- FACT: Most of that money will be spent on hats
- FACT: Our acquisitions team is already hard at work filling our warehouses with unbelievable merchandise from the campaign trail
Through the rest of 2016, all merchandise that was acquired from a Presidential candidate (current or former), will be marked down by 25%!
Here is just a sampling of what we have available during this sale (quantity may be limited):
- Jeb Bush’s dentures
- The knife Ben Carson used to stab another child
- A lock of Donald Trump’s hair
- Hillary Clinton’s original Game Boy (incl. 1 Tetris cartridge)
- Ted Cruz’s Underwear (available in worn and unworn)
- Customized Carly Fiorina tour bus
- Mike Huckabee’s favorite Bible
- Rand Paul’s lucky bar of gold
…And much more!
Exciting things are happening at StolenMerchandise.com! We’ve just expanded our inventory of Black Market merchandise by adding a new section dedicated to Bio-weapons and Chemicals.
Where else are you going to find viruses, diseases and chemical weapons? No-where, that’s where!
OUR MOST EXPLOSIVE SALE EVER!!!
Now through October 31, ALL weaponry, bombs and WMDs are 20% off with no minimum purchase!
With all the wars and violence happening on the other side of the world, someone needs to step up and help the little guys. While the governments and terrorist groups get their weapons from other countries, where do mom and pop Mohammed get theirs?
That’s right, stolenmerchandise.com baby! Tell your friends, tell your family but don’t tell your enemies!
Just in time for the holidays, stolenmerchandise.com has just received multiple shipments of the Playstation 4 and XBox One! Better yet, you can order them for cheaper than any place else, GUARANTEED! It’s a Christmas miracle!
Ignore all those other “deals” and “sales”, our “Holiday Steals” are all you need this holiday season. Load up on tons of unique gifts such as endangered animals or human organs for your loved ones while supplies last!
After receiving many requests, Stolenmerchandise.com is happy to announce that Bitcoins are now available for sale!
Everyone thought Bitcoins were a fake currency with no real value, but we’ve managed to obtain hundreds of thousands of dollars worth and I can assure you they are legit!
So head on over to the Currency page and place your order!
CISPA bad! Stolen Merchandise good!
If CISPA passes, billions of people will no longer have access to the largest collection of Stolen Merchandise in the world. Do you want to be forced to steal your own merchandise and risk going back to prison!? Of course not! That’s what our trained professionals are for!
Contact your government officials immediately and tell them that you “ain’t goin’ back to the pen”!
You know how much we love holiday sales and boy do we got a good one for you this year!
For the REST of the month of March, the following items are buy one, get one 50% off!
- All Leprechauns
- Pots of Gold (all sizes)
- Bulk Alcohol
- Bulk 4-leaf Clovers
Act now, supplies are limited!
To celebrate this Valentine’s day, all human and animal hearts are 20% off! No minimum purchase necessary.
Forget chocolate, candy and jewelry; surprise your sweetheart with a REAL sweet* heart! All hearts are guaranteed fresh and in stock and come with a 1 year warranty.
*Sweet as in, totally rad
Halloween is over which means all of the Satanic Cults and Devil Worshippers are wrapping up another season of rituals and sacrifices. StolenMerchandise.com has amassed quite an inventory including sacrificed and unsacrificed virgins, goat masks, candles, Ouija Boards and many varieties of blood (human and animal).
Stay tuned for updates and news regarding the hottest Christmas merchandise!